...the more you learn how ignorant you are.

A few months ago, a very kind and loving individual told me that I had some nice something or other but I needed to work on my facial structure.

I was not offended, but slightly miffed. I thought facial structure was all I had going for me. I thought it was the one thing I knew how to draw well.

And now I find that I cannot draw heads well at all. I have nothing going for me D: nothing D:

No seriously. This cycle repeats itself every now and then with some aspect of my art. I think I have colours down, and then I discover I don't. I think my anatomy is great, and then I discover it's not. I think I can sketch, and then I discover I can't. I know that it means I am improving, that I can see my mistakes, but it brings out a nasty thought: I cannot truly guage my own skill except in retrospect.

Is anyone else frightened by this?

<sub>Not to mention that recently I've been having even more difficulty drawing. A while back, I quit college, for good reasons, and moved back in with my family. My family is a group of conservative elitist pricks. Quitting college in their eyes is tantamount to prostitution. My mother, in particular, is relentless in her condemnation. Statements such as 'you'll end up being a check out chick for life' 'You used to be such a good girl. Something changed.' 'I think this dumbness comes from your father's side of the family' 'I wonder what went wrong with you' aren't very nice to hear on the one off. When every conversation is peppered with these subtle putdowns you begin to lose confidence in everything you do, including drawing.

I've been looking for a job, and it's not easy (I don't need money really, but it would be nice to be employed so my relatives can stop harruanging me about doing nothing all day) and recently I mentioned that I'm going to apply for charity work to build my resume (and confidence and FiH). Her response was 'Nothing's ever going to be easy for you. You've screwed up everything.'

Yeah. Thanks. =_=</sub>

Eh. I sound like i'm 13 years old, complaining like this. Sorry about that. But I want to complain >_< I don't complain to people I know personally so I'm gonna act like an emo teenager and complain on the interwebs. Soooo mature. (and no doubt delete this journal later )

...

My kittens had their birthdays last week They are now one year old and fully grown and eating grown up cat food ^___^ One weighs about 10 pounds and the other only weighs about six pounds.

And I made iced coffee and it was tasty